problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
