perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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