Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
