Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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