i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
