the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize