my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
