A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
