Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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