my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
