It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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