I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
