the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
