i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
