found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize