i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
