i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
