Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
