I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
