umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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