so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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