LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
