anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
