Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
