The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
