I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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