last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
