Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
