The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
