I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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