It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
