oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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