Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
