Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
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