I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
