Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize