They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My cat gives me a boner
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize