A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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