Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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