you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
