Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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