I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
