Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
