Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
