We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
