there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
