Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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