So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
