I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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