Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
id be glad to
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
