U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
