is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
