i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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