I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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