So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
