Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
