What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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