Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
