oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
