I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
