I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize