Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
