I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Randomize
