going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
