I think I am morally bankrupt
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize