Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
