but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
