dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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