I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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