I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i dont even know how to be here
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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