Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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