...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
