I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
