When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
