life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
