I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
